Jacket - aryn K. / Sweater - Splendid / Tuxedo Tank - Wilt / Harem Pants - F21 / Boots - Dolce Vita
It wasn't until yesterday that I realized that I should begin applying this same attitude to other parts of my life. A friend and colleague emailed me with questions regarding my diet and ways to be healthier. I still think it's funny that people come to me with these questions considering I fail at being healthy much more than I am successful. In my response, I finished by telling her that my rules are just guidelines that have helped me be more conscious of what I'm eating. They are not meant to make you feel bad about yourself if you don't follow them. I told her to be gentle with herself.
I just finished up a class for my master's program and will begin another on Monday. I got my final grade back: 95. Good but it's not a 96 - what I would consider a high A. I was home alone that night and my stomach began knotting up as I sat on the couch with disappointment. No, I didn't get the grade I wanted. But I got a very good grade. I should have been more gentle with myself.
Growing up, I learned the power of positive and negative self-talk the hard way. I had to learn to consciously reverse negative thoughts about myself in order to calm my nerves and feelings of panic. But I still have a hard time being gentle - to my mind, body and soul. But am I not worthy of a little tenderness? Aren't we all?
Being gentle with yourself isn't the same as making excuses. Continue to work hard and continue to set goals. But when you fall short of those goals, remind yourself that it really is okay in the grand scheme of things. That you will try again next time and that next time is just as good as this time. Chatter doesn't just exist when one meditates. We are always chattering to ourselves and more often than we realize the chatter is hurting our selves. You are worthy of being good to yourself as much as you are worthy of others being good to you.
I will continue my meditation practice and will one day be able to ignore the chatter altogether. A 95 is a really good grade and a point lower than what I expected is a small price to pay for the nights I took off from studying to spend with loved ones. And it was a genuine mistake that I forgot to ask for no mayo on that vegan sandwich I tried to order a couple of days ago. There's always next time and in the meantime, I tried. And that's good enough.